I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while but I’ve put it off time and time again due to laziness, and partly because I thought I could forgive these savages I’m going to write about. Honestly I have had enough of it all so I’m taking to this platform to shout out to all folks who take the MRT regularly.
I’ve taken the old rickety tube all over London and the creaky metro all over Paris. I’ve sat on long long rides all across England from Liverpool Lime Street to Manchester Victoria to London Euston. I’ve also had the privilege of riding on the Eurostar to Europe. I’ve sat on plenty of disgusting old trains, yet have never found this incessant need to complain about them.
Well, I take our local MRT to work every day and every time I get on to the train I fall into an unpleasant situation. I’ve hardly ever had an enjoyable experience on the MRT. Sure, some of you might argue that Singapore’s got one of the best train systems in the world and that I should appreciate it, but let me assure you that a comfortable train may not beget a comfortable ride. Why? Blame those dastardly discourteous demons who ride the train with me every morning.
There are six main species of MRT idiots that I’ve identified; perhaps you might recognise some of them too:
1) The Rusher
This person is probably the most common one you’ll find around. He/She is obnoxious, impatient and extremely kiasu. Your MRT experience will be marred by him/her before you even get onto the train. Before the MRT arrives, this person will block the entrance of the train door. The moment the doors open, this person rushes in and grabs a seat before anyone else can – regardless of whether or not there is a pregnant lady following on his/her heels. No, getting into the train and onto a seat is way more important than anything else, and not even the irritated stares will stop this person from doing so.
2) The Pusher
The Pusher is someone who will normally emerge in crowded MRT situations. When the train door opens, everyone will shuffle into the crowded train. But the Pusher, who is normally behind the entire crowd moving into the train, is so eager and determined to get into the train, that he/she pushes everyone in just so that he/she can ride THIS train – despite everyone having to pack into the train like a row of sardines in a can.
3) The Hair Flicker
This person is normally a lady. In rare situations, it can be a man with long hair. But from all my observations, the Hair Flicker has always been a lady. See, in a crowded MRT train, you’ll tend to find yourself standing very closely between people. People behind you and people in front of you. For the guys, you may think it’s your lucky day if you find a pretty lady with long hair in front of you (with her back to you of course). But be careful, she may be a Hair Flicker. When you’re standing so close behind her that you can smell the scent (or in some cases, stench) of her hair, be careful because you may suddenly get poked in the eye when she repeatedly flicks her hair behind her shoulder. Either that or you get a mop of hair swished into your face. Freaking annoying.
4) The Newspaper Reader
I don’t discriminate all newspaper readers, and I certainly have no issue with people who read on the train even if it’s crowded. But what I absolutely detest is people who have this warped idea that their stupid newspaper has more right to occupy a space in place of another human being. He/She doesn’t care how crowded the train gets and continues to read; some of them even spread their newspapers so wide that the person in front of or beside them has to crouch just so he/she can read. Sometimes, the Newspaper Reader even ‘borrows’ another person’s shoulder or back to lean the newspaper on!
5) The Bag-Packer
No I don’t mean those people who travel the world with a large sack on their backs. This person I’m talking about is normally a local male who stuffs his back pack to the max, so much so that when he/she gets on the crowded train, the back pack occupies as much space as would a human person. The best part is that this person does not even think to take off the back pack and place it on the ground so that the person behind him can breathe freely and not have to feel forcefully pushed the whole time. At other times when the Back-Packer decides to push his way out of the packed train, some item from his bag tends to stick out and graze or cut one or a few persons at once.
6) The Fidgeter
The Fidgeter is a very rare specimen, and could sometimes be a hybrid of all of the above-mentioned species. This person likes to make uncomfortable situations all the more uncomfortable. Ever had a person standing behind you who kept moving around every few seconds, and despite already being resigned to feeling like a squashed bug you end up feeling like a squashed bug who keeps getting poked in different places?
Yeah, so these are the mainly the idiots I come across in my daily MRT rides. If you’re one of the people I’ve described above and have not realised it, you still have hope so please wake up your idea okay? If you’re one of the idiots I’ve mentioned but still insist you’re not being discourteous, I’m sorry to say you are hopeless and a bloody disgrace to your nation… You must be the one they keep complaining about in the newspapers.
For the rest of humankind who have been courteous people subjected to such torture, you have my utmost sympathy. Do share if you have had any experiences with other sorts of species of MRT idiots!