Baby don’t you break my heart slow

(The title has nothing to do with the post – I just happen to be listening to a song of the same title by Vonda Shepard and Emily Saliers)

Today didn’t seem like Friday at all. It didn’t feel like a normal day, yet there was nothing to look forward to; nothing I wanted to do in particular. I only remember being pissed off in the morning by the irritating security guard who wanted to check my bag.

Then in the late morning, my appraisal took place. We did it at Killiney, away from the office environment, away from possible straining ears. I’m really happy with my grade (76%) but at the same time I am extremely aware that I need improvement in certain areas. For example, I could work on my communication skills. I don’t find that I’m rude or anything, just that I could be less direct and more tactful.

Honestly I find it a challenge to be tactful. What is tact? I attempt to be polite and sincere, and since I hate beating around the bush in case of miscommunication I am straightforward with what I need to say. Somehow I’m still trying to understand how that is a bad thing. I really do not know how to coddle one with words and still sound sincere about it, especially if I don’t really mean what I say… It’s kind of hypocritical to me.

Anyway, before you continue reading the rest of this entry I think I should warn you that I’m really just gonna talk randomly. I’m just itching to write something so here I am. This is my happy place. Carrying on…

Working life seems to be a little better for me. I feel that I’ve found some potential great friends at work. It’s not just about being able to get along and work together – it all starts making sense to me when I realise these are people I can actually trust with information from my personal life, and not just because we get along so well together. Sometimes work can stress me out so bad and make life extra difficult, or whenever I feel down, I just have to turn to these friends who will crack some silly jokes and that will instantly make my day brighter 🙂

This clique I’m in at work – they’re all older than me. But it’s good for me… Not because they mollycoddle me or something (that’s quite the opposite actually – they do bully me quite a bit *sobs*), but because I feel like there’s more of this world to learn about. I’ve been a sheltered child and most of my friends are younger than I am. Not that the  ages makes any difference because it seems to me that no matter the age, the ability to be lame is still intact, haha.

Ahh… Life can be so good if we’d learn how to let ourselves be happy.

Happy Friday the 13th

This week’s come and almost going (though I wish the weekends wouldn’t) so quickly. Within the blink of an eye, it’s already Friday morning and yours truly is up bright and early (in front of the computer no less), and thinking of ways to best utilize my day off from work.

Heading to Junction 8 to do some light solitary shopping has crossed my mind, but knowing myself, alone time at the mall can sometimes push me to do heavy duty grocery shopping – which is no good for me because I always end up buying only food. I know I’ve been getting rather pudgy lately, and although I still haven’t found the motivation (or the right pair of shoes) to hit the gym, I’m trying a little to cut down on snacking. Oh, and I successfully skipped dinner and any form of snacks last evening without getting any gastric pain. (The real reason is that I had a really good nap and thus didn’t want to get up to eat)

17th November 2009 marks my first year at MMS. Looking back, it’s indeed been a long journey. I recall how much trauma I went through during my first three months and everyday I felt like I was fighting a battle and I wanted to leave so badly. I tried looking elsewhere but got rejected because I was apparently over-qualified. Without much of a choice, I decided to stay and fight on. Somehow I realised I had to be strong and confident, and most of all, to buck up  – ‘cos I have some skills I hadn’t been putting to good use.

Obviously I still make many mistakes along the way, but I learn to move on. The path to being a better employee and better person is mostly based on self-reconciliation. People will always say nasty things about you, but we need to disregard them. If one can learn to forgive himself/herself and move forward, half the bloody battle is already won. It’s all in the head, really. I haven’t completely mastered the skill, but I’m not looking back either.

I’ve been reflecting quite a bit about life in general. People are always searching for greener pastures, as am I, and at times I have succumbed to such temptation. But when I cross over the fence, I find that the grass isn’t so green after all – and what looked better from the other side turns out to be just an illusion. It’s horrible when such tempting thoughts are in my head. I have to keep reminding myself of the consequences and how much I stand to lose in the end – I know this because I have lost at least one person I loved to flock to what I thought was a greener pasture. These days I have to keep using my mental prowess to condition myself not to take the bait because I’m the only person who can stop me.

After all that God has blessed me with, I ought to be content.